The 5 stages of classic rock fandom

classic rock fans

So, you’re a teenager and you’ve just discovered “classic rock”? It can all be very tricky to wade through, so let this piece be your handy guide on what to expect.

Stage 1

  • AC/DC rules!
  • Zeppelin rules!
  • Collect fake vintage band t-shirts
  • Grow your hair to show how different you are from everyone else in your high school
  • Devour Rolling Stones singles, convince yourself that “Wild Horses” is the world’s greatest song
  • Start to believe that “The Joker” is criminally underrated

Stage 2

  • AC/DC sucks!
  • Discover the Beatles, wear out the  red  and blue albums.
  • Sour on the Stones
  • Believe “The Joker” is criminally overrated, delve in to Steve Miller’s deep cuts
  • Discover “Like a Rolling Stone”, listen to it 6,000 times
  • Realize that Elvis has more than 2 songs, but decide that only like, 5 are really good
  • Watch Pink Floyd’s “Live at Pompei” way too many times in friend’s basement while on questionable substances

Stage 3

  • AC/DC still sucks!
  • Listen to the “Exile on Main St.”, decide that, hey, the Stones are pretty good after all.
  • Realize that Zeppelin is soooo overplayed…and it’s all about The Who, anyway
    (Then, listen to Tommy front to back, and excitedly delve into Quadrophenia…then go back to Tommy.)
  • Become too sophisticated for band shirts, donate them
  • “I am soooo sick of “Like a Rolling Stone!””
  • Get seriously in to Revolver; Declare that Paul McCartney is the best Beatle
  • Discover Fleetwood Mac
  • Prove your thoughtfulness, go through a Simon and Garfunkel phase
  • Hate yourself for delving into Steve Miller’s deep cuts
  • Hear “Almost Cut My Hair,” feel it is a truly tragic tale
  • Find out about The Cars, desperately seek out other good new wave bands
  • “Why did I JUST start listening to Queen???”

Stage 4

  • AC/DC: still sucks.
  • Listen to the Stones later stuff, sour on them again
  • See a Zeppelin cover band, fall in love with them again — for 3 days
  • The Who are so overplayed…it’s all about The Band
  • Listen to the Beatles early albums; discover Chuck Berry, realize the Beatles were not all THAT original in their early days…and HOLY CRAP did the Beach Boys ever rip off his riffs!
  • Declare that John Lennon is the best Beatle; get seriously in to Abbey Road
  • Get really into the Kinks, decide they might just be better than The Beatles
  • Discover how incredibly messed up Fleetwood Mac were
  • Prove your thoughtfulness, go through a Paul Simon – Graceland phase
  • Decide that Jefferson Airplane never gets their fair due
  • Cut your hair
  • Give up on finding other good new wave bands

Stage 5

  • Meh, AC/DC are okay… just kidding, they really suck.
  • Settle on the Stones being some good, some bad (a mixed blessing at best, like Lisa Simpson and Gary Coleman’s consensus on Christmas.)
  • The Band are still underplayed
  • Decide that no, the Kinks are not better than the Beatles; George Harrison is the best Beatle
  • Elvis is the king!
  • Decide that yeah, Jefferson Airplane is rated just about right
  • Ironically declare that Garfunkel is the best part of S & G
  • Seriously debate who was better, The Byrds or the Yardbirds
  • “Why did I JUST start listening to Motown???”
  • Decide that Rumours is the only Fleetwood Mac album you ever have to hear
  • Regret giving away your sweet band t’s  😦
  • Never listen to your local classic rock radio station again after hearing April Wine’s “Roller” for the 1200th time.
Background image from here.

1 Comment

Filed under Editorial, Lists, Misc.

One response to “The 5 stages of classic rock fandom

  1. Nice one Jon,
    I think my take on the stages of rock fandom is a bit different – but I’m still trying to work out how! Feel free to check out my own blog/booksite, and let me know what you think. Purple, Sabbath, Zeppelin, Dylan, Doors and others. No Steve Miller, and more positive about AC/DC!

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