Strange Days: your weird and stupid news roundup for Dec. 8

Welcome to Strange Days, a collection of stories found around the interweb that will make you smack your head, sigh with wonder, or just say to yourself, “Well, that’s stupid.” Today: making good use of beer, an 80-year-old woman facing prison, and a really, really old dog. 

  • Eastern Alaska — A man named Clifton Vial crashes his truck into a snowdrift 40 miles north of Nome. Alone and unable to dig himself out, he searches his car and finds only three frozen cans of Coors Light. He survives for three days on the Coors Light before being rescued. Wonder if the cans were still cold-certified by the time he was found? Inquiring minds want to know. [ Time ]    
  • USA — Sticking with the alcohol theme, the FDA recently approved a new hangover pill. It’s a tablet that you dissolve in water and contains aspirin, caffeine and something that soothes your stomach. Frat boys, rejoice; now you can get bombed, and while you’ll still miss your 8 a.m. class the next morning, at least you’ll have a comfortable sleep. If this thing works, of course. The pill’s called Blowfish. Best Blowfish since Hootie? Best blowfish since Hootie. [ Business Insider ]
  • Berre l’Etang, France — Parents take a school hostage because they’re upset over the quality of education their 9 and 10-year-old kids are receiving from a first-year teacher. Now that’s being involved in your kid’s life; as they (don’t) say, an oeil for oeil. It’s also further proof that the French will protest anything. (Having a French girlfriend gives me carte blanche to make fun of them as I see fit. See what I did there?)   [ The Local ]
  • Lynn, Massachusetts — Claire Butcher, an 80-year-old woman has fed the ducks at a local pond for 45 years. That was fine and dandy until city officials, and neighbours, started to raise a stink about the shopping cart full of food that Butcher carried around with her. It seems that Butcher’s feeding has led to unmanageable amounts of animal feces and rats. The city’s launched a criminal complaint against her and Butcher faces 30 days in jail. I don’t know, to me it sounds like a tailor-made story for Bart’s People. (“Some say the ducks went to Canada. Others say Toronto.”) [ CBS Boston ]
  • Tokyo — The world’s oldest dog has died. Pusuke, a Shiba mix, was born in 1985 (!!) and made it to 26 years and eight months before taking ill. Still, Pusuke fell short of the all-time Guiness record holder, an Australian cattle dog that made it to 29-years-old before dying in 1939. And I thought my 17-year-old cockapoo, Teddy, was getting on. Only 12 more years to go, buddy! God, I can’t imagine.  [ USA Today ]

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